Erica --
Where is it written that we are meant to be understood in this world, except perhaps by a few close friends? Where is it written that true interpretation of our characters is our birthright? If we can count even half a dozen people who love and understand us, then we are truly blessed.
I didn't plan to write about this tonight. I seriously didn't (no matter what you might think, J... no matter how convenient). I'm laying here, thinking about getting a semi-early start on the night's sleep, and I'm thinking about how I've really not thought of anything to write about today. I usually at least try to think at some point during the day about what I can possibly wax poetic (or unpoetic, as the case may be) about that night. I know, you wouldn't know it by the topics I actually choose... but I do try to come up with something semi-interesting as a jumping off spot. Tonight, as I climbed down the stairs toward bedtime, I could not remember anything I had even considered writing about. So, I'm brushing my teeth, racking my brain for something/anything, and I consider maybe using a quote from a book. And then I remembered... there was a quote I had dog-eared in my current Erica novel. I did not, however, remember what it was about. I picked it up, started thumbing through, and the words I took down above spoke to me.
I feel like I wander through a lot of life being disconnected from others... missing connections here or there... not understanding others' priorities... not being understood myself... never being able to grasp what others are asking of me... feeling completely unprepared and incapable of completing said requested task... etc. I mean, I get it, in theory; but the everyday application of that theory is something else entirely. The basics of people's motivation are relatively simple, right? But when your "self" is not fully understood (or felt -- as in, I feel you, dawg) by my "self", where does that leave us? Not so simple at all when you factor in the individual and the idea (which, on the positive side makes us feel unique, but on the negative side makes us feel isolated) that we're all simply different. (I guess it's possible for someone to fit better than others, to have more than a few people who really get him, to feel completely connected to just about everyone in his life. Of course, when pressed, I'm sure that even that guy could come up with at least one person in his life who just doesn't fit... who just doesn't get him... whom he just doesn't get.) But when we do find those "half a dozen" folks out there who we feel that connection with, what do we do with them?
This is frustrating... I feel like I'm writing around my point, and I'm really not sure why. I guess I just don't understand it myself (which is kind of the point in and of itself, so... go figure?). Anyway, the people who get you... those who really know you... are important. Without them, it is a lonely lonely lonely existence, is it not? Should those relationships stop you from branching out into other relationships? Of course not. (Silver and gold, right Haley?) But can they -- or rather, should they -- be replaced or reprioritized? Well, maybe. Of course, that is, as Bobby (or Britney) would say, your prerogative. I just think that the act of cutting those who know you best out of your, say, top four, is difficult... especially given that the true blessing comes from, as Erica tells us, the half a dozen or so who love and understand us.
Now, the flip side of that, of course (because I can't just leave it... and maybe I should, but I can't), is that without giving those you may think don't get you a chance to climb into your newly redefined group of "favorite people", you will never know if yet another blessing might come from them too.
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