What Pulls at My Heart the Most... Part 2

In keeping with my editorial from last night... I took a few more minutes after posting to research it a little further. The date stood out as a little funny to me... why November of '98? I remember, when getting the assignment, that I knew exactly what I wanted to write about. I had the "signed column" half written before leaving the class during which Shu gave us that assignment. So, it was turned in on November 18, but written a week or so before... and rooted in the months before that. What was going on in my life right then? Why did I have those feelings (conflicting, did you notice?) of "seize the day" and "remember where you've been" and "appreciate everyone in your life"? Of course, some of you may remember bits and pieces. A very select few may have even read what I'm going to post next. Not many of you, mind you... because I don't let just anyone read my journal.

I've talked about my journal a lot, I know. It's nothing special... just the random ramblings (kinda like this here blog) of a silly girl. But it's been with me for years. It documents my feelings about a number of people in my life, and it's just plain fun to reread once in a while. I always considered the entry from September 22, 1998, one of my favorites. ("Favorites" in that it's been reread over and over and over again... "favorites" in that I always look for deeper meaning in it to explain why I felt the way I did, why certain things happened, and why my life took the path it did... and "favorites" in that there are certain I-really-said-that? thoughts & phrases that I do feel encapsulate me fairly well.) I feel like it does explain a lot about me (to me, at least), about my confusion in life, and about my love of memories... although, I'm sure some of you would say it says next to nothing.

So, I can't actually believe I'm really going to post an entry from my journal... it's so PRIVATE! But... I put a lot out here that I probably shouldn't. What else is new?! Anyway, in trying to be sensitive to those who didn't actually sign up to be featured in my blog, I'll only use initials. And I'm warning you now, I'm skipping the last two paragraphs. My point will be made by then, and there's just no sense in including those über-personal ruminations that have basically been made irrelevant by time. I was wrong anyway. Go figure. Hmm... which makes me wonder if I'm wrong on other things... well, whatever...

Without further ado:

September 22, 1998

I write some strange stuff in this here journal. I wish I could remember some of it! Instead, I'm stuck here stressing... about life choices and little choices. Next semester is quickly approaching. What will I be doing in January??? I wish I knew! That one's going to be better left to the Man upstairs!

Anyway, I love JOMC & POLI. I've enjoyed the programs... even if I end up in a completely different field!

These years are passing so quickly. I'm reminded every day of people and things from years gone by. I should've enjoyed it more. [Major emphasis... underlining 5 times... has been added to that phrase in subsequent rereadings.] I should've taken advantage of every opportunity for friendship or companionship. But I'm so grateful that I have had as many friends in my life as I have. And I miss a lot of them now: C's at Princeton, C's at NCSU, B's at Asbury, J's at Campbell, J's getting married next summer, H lives with me now but I know even our time is short, K's getting married Oct. 24... so many people have passed through my life! I just miss them.

Plus, I'm worried about my future...