Friday, January 12, 2007

I Was Spinning Free With a Little Sweet and Simple Numbing Me

What would life be like if I actually used the morsels of wisdom I glean from books, music, and other verve I happen to subject myself to? Would I make better decisions, having learned from others’ decisions, mistakes, and loves? Probably not… in the end, it is as they all eventually found out for themselves… it is essential for the individual to make her own mistakes, feel her own emotions, learn from herself. Of course, that doesn’t stop me from being inspired by this best-yet, second-ever-read-by Erica J. novel. I love her openness, her honesty, her stupidity, and her naïveté. Just like I wonder what it would be like to learn from others’ words & lessons, I wonder what all of you would learn from her if I shared her with you (even from me if I shared myself?). Part of me wants you to know… part of me doesn’t. Reading a book, watching a movie, listening to a song is sometimes the most private thing you can experience. And it feels downright malicious when someone else reads your book, learns your lessons, hears your words, sees your scenes, and (among other things) listens to (and repeats back to you) your lyrics.

Everything is so simple sitting in a tub of warm water, living life vicariously through Erica’s doppelgänger, Isadora, and Isadora’s doppelgänger, Candida. I read her beautiful poetry that speaks to me, her beautiful, not-suitable-for-general-conversation (or blog-posting) poetry and I know her… more importantly, I know myself. But then the word acrimonious creeps into the text, from real-life older-and-wiser Erica. And I’m confused all over again. Of course, the reality is, she probably wouldn’t change a thing… despite the acrimony. She’d say it couldn’t be avoided… nay, it shouldn’t be avoided… the knowing and the not knowing… the joy and the pain.

Forget it... I'm going to get a Blast. Anywho, maybe I’ll share it with you some day. For tonight, if I don’t see you again before Monday, have a great weekend. xo

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