The Last Few Moments of 29

A friend was "singing" the Gin Blossoms song "29" to me recently (well, not that recently, but the point is still valid). He was kinda bummed when he realized that the song no longer applied (he's older.. ha ha ha). But tomorrow... tomorrow I join him. Tomorrow, I'm no longer 29. Tomorrow, I bid adieu to my twenties. And tonight, during the last few minutes of my 29th year, I'm sad. My twenties were so enjoyable. I miss them already. (And not in the way-I-always-do -- missing things well before they're gone or grieving for things before they're lost -- but in the WOW-it's-here-now-and-I-can't-run-away way.)

There's no intentions worthy of mention
If we never try
So hang your hopes on rusted-out hinges
Take 'em for a ride

Only time will tell if wishing wells
Can bring us anything
Or fade like scenes from childhood dreams
Forgotten memories

It.is.just.not.possible. I was only 19 just yesterday. And it wasn't too far back from that that I was 9. How did I get here? Where did it all go? And WHY is it going so fast?!

But aside from the obvious trauma... I am (semi)enjoying reflecting back a little. Life thus far has been pretty good. I have been truly blessed with some wonderful people in my life. And that... that is all I could've ever wished for. Family & friends like you guys. I just hope I've meant as much to you. So, thanks... for just being you. YOU mean the world to me.

I bite my thumb at 30. I'm strong. I can take you, beyotch. Bring it on.

So, Nik asked. And I opened the can 'o worms for myself, so the answer:
I have done 3 of the 15 things on my to-do-before-30 list. But I give myself half credits here and there (what? I come from a family of teachers... they give half credit for everything). So, my total "score" (out of 15, remember) is 4.5.

The things I've done: own a house (you've all heard me ramble on and on about Forsythe), got married (remember Jon? although Jess thinks he's a paper cut-out I pose in pics every once in a while, he really does exist!), and made a real best friend (two, as a matter of fact... although one is my sister, so she's kinda stuck with me). The half credits: career (I have a job/career that is fun, sometimes rewarding, pays well, and allows me to work in my PJs from home... it's not really what I expected to do with my life nor is it something I see myself doing forever, but it's definitely worth 1/2), Europe (I've been there... three times, as a matter of fact... but it's a big country and there's lots I haven't seen... but given that Vienna, Amsterdam, the Alps, Athens, & the Greek Isles are all very wonderful, I deserve half credit), and the U.S. (again, I've seen some of my home country, but not nearly enough of it... I've been to very, very few of our national monuments/treasures; and I hope someday to do a better job of being a tourist).

Huh... 4.5 out of 15! Well, it's a good thing I'm only 30... I've got quite the list of things to do before I turn 40!

Thanks for all the pre-birthday happy birthdays to all y'all who reached out to me today (and even before today!). And even those of you with whom I didn't talk about my birthday at all, it was fun to talk to you. Although, fun probably isn't the right word. I love you guys. Please be good to each other.

Because He Just GETS Me

Too tired to sleep, too angry to pray,
too far down to get back up,
too lost to find my way.

Who knows what happened, I'm too confused to say,
and too far gone to turn back now;
it's too late anyway.

I don't need a clever confidant to try
to soothe with hollow words,
I've heard them all.

What I need is just to know
I have a home within your heart.
Just hold me close. A few words will do.

We don't have to find the answers now,
it's enough to be with you.

Erica Jong Sounds FASCINATING

Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That’s why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don’t risk everything, you risk even more.

-- Erica Jong

Ignore the Other Voice. Concentrate on This One.

Recently, I've had a really hard time finding new (or semi-forgotten... or just that good) episodes of SATC to watch on Tivo (Tivo stil captures all of 'em for me; I just delete most of 'em after I watch the first two minutes if I've seen 'em or if I'm just not that into them -- AGAIN). But tonight, I found (AGAIN) one of the all-time greatest quotes. (Okay, that's a stretch, b/c there are some GREAT quotes on this show. But tonight's has GOT to be up there.)

Sweetheart, you can't go listening to every little voice that runs through your head. It'll drive you nuts!

Sooooo funny. And yes, I know I've shared that with you before. But maybe I have new readers. Or maybe some of you had forgotten one of my previous posts (!!!). Or maybe, like me, you just enjoyed hearing it again.

Hope it brings you as much joy on this Monday morning as it brought me tonight/this morning. :)

And since I'm on the quote-wagon, I'll leave another one for y'all:

Memory is to love what the saucer is to the cup.
-- Elizabeth Bowen

Yaaaaaaaay!

John Madden & Al Michaels are in CHARLOTTE!!! Oh shoot... wait. Charlotte's not my hometown. Crap. Oh well... I'm still excited!!! Can't WAIT for the Maddenisms. :)

Back in the Boro

Our handiwork today (mostly Jon's)... about half of the backyard landscaping done




Kona wanted to be in at least one


And just because I didn't post 'em yet... and I thought some of them were pretty nice, here are a few of the "leaves" pics from the trip back down the mountain yesterday. Looks different from the last round, eh?

Mirror Mirror On The Wall...

My mom is the sweetest, best mom ever. I love her so much. And there is just no way my beautiful, YOUNG mother turned 53 today!! But that's what her birth certificate says. Of course, we know those are SO OFTEN wrong... so we don't put much stock in that lousy slip of paper.

I've wanted to write a blog post for a while now about how I'm like (or not like) my mom. Everyone always says I have more of her side of the family in me. Granted, I do have the brown eyes & brown hair (although it's dyed a little blond!), but I wonder what (besides my looks) I see from my mom in myself. Beyond that... I KNOW how I'm like her; I wonder what everyone else sees.

I like to kid my dad a lot about the traits I MUST'VE gleaned from his chromosome... you know, like the pig-headedness, the lead foot, and the irritability. ;) But if I truly ponder the "big five" personality traits, a lot -- and I mean a lot -- of me is a pretty clear reflection of my mom. "Mirror, mirror, on the wall... I am my mother, after all." Right, Dad?

Now, MOST of what she passed on to me is full of goodness & positivity. I'm not trying to toot my own horn here, people... she's just really that good of a person. (And I'm not saying I'm anywhere near the person she is; I just got little tidbits of traits here & there.) She gave me conscientiousness (she has A LOT and I have a tiny fraction), a genuine compassion for the human condition, sensitivity, the ability to cooperate or team with just about anyone, an openness to learning about new people or things (of course, she'll be the first to tell you she cares nothing about learning technology-related things and I'm a bit of a techno geek... but at least we share the desire to learn about humanity), and appreciativeness. (She also made me the stickler I am for spelling & grammar... which makes me, at this moment, question whether or not "appreciativeness" is a real word. I'm going with it... because it's late and I'm tired, not because I don't care.)

There are other positives, I'm sure (morality, spirituality, good looks!, etc.), but I want to talk a little more about two of our shared pain-in-the-rear traits before I head to bed for the evening.

One... We're both pleasers (like other people I know, for sure). As long as everyone around us is happy, we're pretty happy. And if we had something to do with that happiness, EVEN BETTER! Neither of us wants to make a decision until we've heard what everyone else wants or doesn't want. It gets a little hairy when one loved one wants one thing and another wants something different. Damn those conflicting desires. We HATE to play favorites and just plain won't do it unless absolutely forced to. In fact, we'll work our little tails off to make sure we fulfill as much of everyone's wishes as possible. Of course, the problem with this is we never get to really think about (much less express) what we really want. Our needs and wants ALWAYS play second fiddle. Fair? Probably not; but, c'mon... what we really want is for everyone else to be happy. No need to think any further than that. Seriously. Stop asking me what I want.

Two... We're both exceptionally emotional. Our hearts definitely rule these lives. Please don't ask me to be logical about something I feel strongly about. And don't get all irritated when I have to cry about something. It means a lot to me, I'm going to cry about it. Geez! Now... unfortunately, this trait sometimes gets in the way of the pleasers in us; so don't be surprised when you get both the emotional "but I want it" and the "whatever will make you happy is fine with me" plays. Darn these feelings. Every once in a while, one of them jumps up & grabs us; and we have to fight to keep that desire down so that we can forget about what we might want, what might bring us true joy, and focus on what everyone else feels pretty okay about. I think the world would tip off its axis if we found something we couldn't live without and decided to throw caution to the wind to go grab it.

Mom, no offense, but I wish I could trade in at least a tiny piece of the pleaser in me for a little more I-know-what-I-want-and-by-gosh-I'm-going-to-get-it. And I think YOU should wish for that too. You deserve everything your little heart desires. So, stop saying you can't think of a thing you want for your birthday. Get irritated that I haven't bought you anything yet; and tell you little daughter (who really only wants to please you) what she can do (belatedly) to make your 53rd birthday the best ever! Happy Day, Mom! I love you!!!

Thievery and Other Unforgiveable Sins

I like to steal lyrics from my AIM buddies' away messages. Thanks to you who I robbed tonight!

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find you and I collide

So, yes, here I am. I'm back... spouting my ridiculous nonsense that really means nothing and yet means everything. I know it's not enough. It's not important. It's not useful or moving. It's a bunch of nothing. I KNOW. But that's me. And that's what I like to write. Too soon or not.

I tried really hard to leave something for you guys last night. But Mom & Dad's internet was not cooperating. For those of you with me on your AIM/Trillian buddy lists, perhaps you noticed the technical difficulties. So annoying to be popped on and offline. And go figure, it happens to happen ALWAYS as I'm trying to get Blogger to allow me to write a new post. I'll actually be amazed if I get this one to "stick".

Anyway, I won't keep you too long... I just wanted to say a few little things:
1) Darin, that guy's name is DEREK... same last name (Mom & Dad had it wrong)
2) Haley, don't be stressed... I'm SURE the summit will go well... and even if it doesn't/hasn't, YOU did an awesome job
3) Mom, HAPPY BIRTHDAY (tomorrow... which is when I'm sure you'll be reading this since you're sleeping at the moment) :) I LOVE YOU

Let's see, I guess that's about it for my back-to-it nothingness post. I'll leave some pics for your viewing pleasure (or displeasure) now and step aside for the evening.
Pics from Les Montagnes


And a few from last weekend's ASU/GSU game... see? we were there!

Just Right

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough

10/24/06

Between Orion and Cassiopeia... That's All I've Got

Haley says you get to make a wish every time you see a shooting star. I've had to count on other wish-making goodness throughout the course of my life... as I've NEVER seen a shooting star. Correction: I HAD never seen a shooting star.

On Haley & Sooz's trip down to Statesboro on Friday evening, Sooz saw a few shooting stars. Upon seeing them, she remembered that Friday night was the peak of the Orionid meteor shower. Lucky, lucky... I live in a quiet and dark community in the country. So, when Haley & Sooz arrived at my house Friday afternoon/Saturday morning, we went out on the back patio (laid on the concrete, yes, we did) and watched for all that wish-making goodness.

The very first one I saw was awesome. All three of us happened to catch it, and it was beautiful. It looked, to me, just like some pictures I've seen of meteors... so let's pretend this was it:


In all, I saw three, I think (over the course of a very cold ~hour). Haley and Sooz probably saw a few more, so they get more wishes. But I'll take my three and be very, very, very happy with them. I love wishes... especially when they come true.

Have a wonderful Monday night and Tuesday... for, too soon, the morning will come.

They Say Having Goals is a Good Thing... Never Really Worked for Me, Though

15 Things I Wanted to Do Before Turning 30
It would've been 30, but I think you guys get bored after 10 anyway! Who knows... maybe I'll do another 15 another day. Anyway, without further ado, here they are in no particular order:

• Choose a career
  
• Get married
  
• Have a baby
  
• Make a real best friend
  
• Travel to Europe
  
• See some of the "best stuff" in the U.S.
  
• Own a house
  
• Touch someone else's life
  
• Learn another language
  
• Make something I'm proud of
  
• Join (or start) a group that defines me
  
• Sing karaoke
  
• Smoke some pot
  
• Find my own way home
  
• Establish some real goals for myself -- a.k.a., decide on something that I really want for myself... I may not actually do it (since it seems to be imperative that I at least attempt to make everyone around me happy & a selfish goal isn't necessarily the best way to keep the waters ripple-less, but I'd like to at least KNOW my own mind)

Seems like a decent list, no? Well, it's a list, at least... albeit full of generic "goals" that anyone could write. Anyway, I'm curious how many of them you think I've accomplished. How well do you know me? Were you surprised by anything that's on my list? No worries if you are... I surprise myself sometimes. More on all that later.,,

Check out Lis' blog for more pics of ATL. One thing I can cross off the list... attend an NFL game. Oh wait, I'm pretty sure I had already done that with the UNC MTH. Oh well... both were fun.

Finally, one last happy birthday, Rufus! You always "cheer up my day", too. :)

Like an Old Abandoned Ferris Wheel

The Kiwanis do one heck of a job throwing a party. Here in Statesboro, the Ogeechee Fair - the Kiwanis' main event of the year - was quite enjoyable last year. It's an ag fair, a celebration of harvest time, a beautiful demonstration of the best parts of Statesboro. I thoroughly enjoyed perusing the arts & crafts, viewing the crops (including COTTON... which I think is SOOOO beautiful, both in the fields where it is especially inspiring to me and in big stacks after it's been harvested... actually, I think cotton deserves its own blog post... but most of the crop has been harvested for this year, so unless I can find some still-beautiful and still-standing fields, I probably won't get to do that post anytime soon). Other things to enjoy at the Ogeechee Fair include: people-watching (oh, do they come out for the fair), pig races, deep-fried everything (I haven't had much experience with the N.C. State Fair, but evidently, they have the same deep-frying habits), and cotton candy (my ultimate FAVE!!! I swear, someone just has to bring me cotton candy & s/he is my bestie for life).

So, obviously, I care deeply for this annual tradition. And I'm incredibly bummed that I was away all last week. I MISSED the ENTIRE Ogeechee Fair. Didn't get to go one single time. And sadly, now it's all packed up & moved out of town. Why do fairs always leave? Why can't there be a year-round fair? We could all promise to go once a month. That wouldn't be that hard for us, would it? I mean, a month between visits to the fair... that seems about right. Let's do that.

The Fly-Bys

Jon & I caught up on a little bit of Tivo earlier today. Well, I caught up on A LOT of Tivo today. I started at 5 (tried to be a good employee & work until then... yeah, right!) and watched 4 shows before Jon even got home. Then we watched some Studio 60 (best new show on TV!!) and got at least one Two and a Half Men checked off the list... great stuff.

We planted two trees yesterday. We hurried to get 'em done in anticipation of the rain that never came, but isn't that the way life always goes? The girl at Wise is going to help us design our backyard landscaping. I have to remember to take more pictures to show her. Yeah, right... with as many pictures as I've already taken, I'm sure I can find plenty to share with her that will give her a good feel for the house. Oh, but who wants to take the time to look through pictures. Oh yeah, that's right. Me. I love pictures. I wish they were all organized and easy to look back through, though. Soon enough, dear, soon enough.

According to Calista in the new series "Brothers & Sisters": The world is too fragile for people to be untrue. There's too much at stake, and life's too short for lies. Don't waste people's hearts... or their time. And (eventually) her "date" replied: We don't love the people we love because they're perfect. We love the people we love because they are. Even after they're gone. Poignant, don't you think?

Today/tonight, I believe you're getting the true randomness that is my mind. Sorry about that. I'm just attempting to reach up and grab a few of the thoughts as they fly by. But I'm tired, and the thoughts are too quick for me... they v-cut like Kona when she's running away from me in the yard. And sometimes they make me sad... or mad... or unhappy. And I don't like that. I want to be happy. I'm going to go finish watching this sad, somewhat unhappy, but very good show; and then decide whether to delete it or save it for a "re-read" later. Yeah, I wonder what I'll choose.

As Z-Man Would Say... Oh My GOSH!

We had a very fun weekend in "the ATL" this week. Maybe I'll do it with words later; but for now, the pics will have to do. Wish I would've taken more... but these will have to do until Lis gets hers up too.

Very fun times with favorite friends at Hard Rock Atlanta!

And when we got back home, I gave Coop the present I bought him. As you can imagine, he was thrilled!

And a few miscellaneous notes...
I told my boss in our meeting last Friday that she is a little like me. I probably should've thought better about saying that. Not really something you want to tell your boss... that s/he's like you. I tried to backpedal out of it; but how do you rewind from that?! I stopped and said... well, I mean I'm like you; well, I mean you're like the CEO... and then proceeded to talk about a positive quality (being good at doing and taking on as much responsibility as possible) and how it can be massaged into a not-so-positive one (not including the rest of the team). Of course, that was thin ice as well. So, I just tried to get out of that conversation altogether and switch the conversation back to how much I suck. LOL

In discussing Kurt Warner tonight, the commentators were talking about how classy he is in helping to encourage Leinart. Jon & I were laughing about that... because WHAT IS HE SUPPOSED TO DO?! The first phrase that came to my mind (shifting focus here from the actual story to the words I came up with) were: "he could just bull up". CALLIE, why does that phrase remind me of you?! Ahh... that's funny right there. Bull up. Okay... I'm going to go chuckle a little while. Catch you on the flip side.

I'd Cross the Line

Finally, finally, finally... I have arrived back in Atlanta. After having finally outlasted Murphy, I have landed in a fairly comfy king-size bed just north of the airport at the not-too-scary Holiday Inn. Well, okay, maybe it's a little scary. Mom would be freaked out and probably not-too-happy to know I'm here. But I'm a big girl, not easily shaken, and probably a bit overconfident in my traveling alone-ness. I kinda have the "I'm a pro traveler" air about me. At least I feel that way. So, usually, no one bothers me. And here lately, my attitude has been meeting with ultra-niceness everywhere I turn!

On my last few flights, I've had plane neighbors who've been chatty as heck. Shoot... tonight, I have a crick in my neck from keeping my head turned to chat with my cutie-pie, 29-yr-old, pacemaker salesperson seat neighbor. He was in 6D, I was in 6C (separated by an aisle, so a little difficult to talk to the whole flight... but he was determined, so we made it work!). In fact, ironically, this is the 2nd medical supply salesperson plane neighbor I've struck up a friendship with in the last month. And the flight attendants, they've LOVED me lately. The woman tonight went out of her way to find a spot for my wheeled bag (the one that I almost always check plane-side... except for on the big boy planes... like the 737 we flew from Philly to ATL tonight). On my last trip last month, one of the flight attendants and I struck up a big long conversation about Grey's Anatomy. And my seat neighbor on that flight was chatty as well. Then, to prove that the gods (whichever kind you prefer) really are keeping me surrounded with nice people, I find a kindly gentleman sitting in his black Suburban outside a gas station that I pulled up to to buy toothpaste. (Yes, the damn security people took mine AGAIN this afternoon. I've gone from the 6oz size to the 4oz size (both of which were thrown away at the security checkpoint) to a 1.5oz size. Too bad I'm not taking another flight now... I've got a less-than-you're-stinking-regulation-3oz-size tube now, bitches!) Anyway, so I hop out of my car and go to the door of the station... which is locked. So, I turn around to get back in the car intending to find another OPEN station. This guy in the Suburban (which would generally be kinda scary: big dark car, dark parking lot, middle of an urban area, not sure the 'tude of the 'hood) calls out to me that the station is open but I've got to go to the window. Sure enough... the clerk is hanging out there on the phone... but this station doesn't allow customers into the store. You have to make all your purchases through the window. So, I ask for my toothpaste (travel size, thank you very much) and a Diet Coke, and give her my GAA plastic to cover the $4 bill. When I turn to leave, I decided to say thanks to the nice man in the Suburban and he wished me a happy evening. Too cute.

Anyway, these gods I speak of -- my favorite kind, actually -- also keep me in perfect songs for my moods... which is a major plus to keep you in pretty-high spirits. Tonight, they gave me this one (and others... even repeats to prove a point):

It's hard to trust a stranger, but you're a stranger to yourself so who's to blame
Drown away emotion as you numb yourself from any real pain

There's nothing more real and nothing's what it seems
We're always caught in between
There's nothing left to feel, but still you cannot leave
You don't know what you need.

So anyway, sorry for those of you who've already heard about this (well, the one of you), but you're gonna have to read it again. Feel free to skip this paragraph. But I know you won't. I had a brief, but very good, meeting with Mary just before I high-tailed it out of SCE earlier today. Actually, I had to keep glancing at my watch as my departure time inched closer and closer and Mary kept talking and talking. I decided to chance it & let her go a bit longer than I intended to (and I made it in plenty of time, so even that worked out). I told Mary a couple of my frustrations (feeling unworthy, like I'm not making much of a contribution, etc.); and she assured me it was just my paranoia. She reminded me how she defended me to the CEO when he mentioned that my position didn't seem like one that could be work-from-home. She thinks I'm ultra-worthy (an all-star, I believe I said before). And she reminded me that the HR team (especially the other managers) are big fans. I believe her exact words were something like "If you left, the department would be forced into mass confusion and grind to a halt. Not that they're not capable of eventually learning, but no one other person can do all that you do." So, once again, my I'll-bend-over-backwards-to-do-whatever-you-want-me-to flexibility scores me points.

Well, my battery is dying... so, if you're looking for me, I'm at the Holiday Inn, sleeping in until the forced check-out time tomorrow. I was wondering what I could do, then, between the check-out time and when Jon gets here. But I know JUST the ticket... after I leave here, I'm heading straight to the outlet mall I passed on the way in on Monday!!! I'll be on the hunt for MY JEANS between about noon(ish) and three tomorrow. Oooh... and maybe I could even check out the Ikea while I'm over here! Now, there's a great idea.

Much luv from the only-semi-scary Holiday Inn. :)

Maybe You Should Come in Twice a Week

Well, I gave the old GAA plastic a workout tonight. Got a few cute little things. Sent a few pennies back to the old alma mater. It is amusing that I can shop here now that I don't live here. But, it still strikes me as funny... this little tiny market. Why is it so hard to find a decent pair of jeans? I realize I'm not 15 anymore. I have hips and hork (as Haley says) and extra hamburgers (and tater tots) stored underneath my ribs. I prefer NOT to show my entire backside to the world every time I happen to have to bend over or sit down. BUT, I also am not middle-aged (yet). I don't wear my waistband at my real waist or anywhere close to my belly button, actually. I kinda like the space between my navel and, well, a few inches below that. I like showing it with just the right-waisted jeans. And my colleagues say things like "you can't afford to skip lunch... you need the calories". I need a pair of jeans that will continue to snow them into thinking I'm skinny... while also showing the most attractive curves I have. WHERE ARE MY FREAKIN' JEANS?

Tonight, the wind picked up and the temperature dropped. I'm pretty sure the blizzard will hit tonight. It's cold here! I miss my 80 degree temps in the south. But the weather seems just about right for the big Penn State Michigan game this weekend. It's a night game, sounds freezing.

Anyway, I'm exhausted... can barely hold my eyes open right now. For once this week, I'm going to bed really early (you know, by 11... that's early, right?). I have to. Otherwise, I won't even turn over in the morning when my alarm goes off. AND I'll do something embarassing like fall asleep and jerk violently awake between my plane neighbors tomorrow afternoon. I'm tempting Murphy again tomorrow, by the way. I'm on the late afternoon flight out of SCE and am not scheduled to arrive in ATL until after 10:00. Now... before I go to bed... I guess I should go find a hotel to stay in tomorrow night. :) And no, Lis, I won't come to your hotel in the middle of the night (provided I make it to ATL before Saturday anyway). But let's schedule our visit to the aquarium for Saturday (after appropriate sleeping-in time, that is!). Yes?

Slicing Through the Clutter With a Butter Knife

I've done a lot of worrying today & yesterday about the time I'm spending away from my Inbox. It just gets so full so fast when I don't pay adequate attention to it. I've actually been "directing traffic" (well, some of it) as it comes in via my old best friend (the pocket pc). But, I can't do everything via pda, so I find myself with a relatively full inbox of 188 items at the moment. Most of the time, though, I'm an obsessive-inbox-cleaner ... who fails to get everything done... so I hover around 80-120 messages in there at any one time. So, what does that say about me?


From today's Monster Blog:

What Does Your Inbox Say About You?
So there’s a Center for Internet Behavior in Connecticut. And guess what? It’s got something to say about what your inbox might say about you.

"If you keep your inbox full rather than empty, it may mean you keep your life cluttered in other ways," says psychologist and founder Dave Greenfield, as quoted in CareerJournal. "Do you cling to the past? Do you have a lot of unfinished business in your life?"

On the other hand, do you obsessively clean your inbox, immediately moving emails to their appropriate folders and killing spam? “You may be so quick to move on that you miss opportunities and ignore nuances,” suggests the article. “Or your compulsion for order may be sapping your energy from other endeavors.”

Where do you lie on this seeming spectrum of inbox behavior?

So, I got a BRAND NEW keyboard on my laptop today. Who knew you could replace the keyboard??? My boyz in IT coming through for lil' ole' me. I'll have to go spend lots 'o time with them all tomorrow. Love 'em. Miss 'em. Wish my team felt the same way about me. My boss scheduled time to grab Inge before she leaves tomorrow. Nothing for me. Boo. Hiss. Maybe it really IS time. But, then who would pay me to sit around the house all day in my jammies? Oh yeah, that's right. Big fat NOBODY.

I ran into a cousin (in-law) in State College tonight. Seriously. Yeah. He almost belongs there (he lives in PA), but he was like "don't you live in GEORGIA?!" to me. LOL. Too small of a world it is. Well... sometimes. Others, it seems huge, and I MISS all the people who don't just pop into my life at random moments. :)

Love you all... and an early g'night. X's & O's... always.

Because I Miss Him

People are so ambitious: http://www.43things.com/. Sometimes I love people... sometimes not so much.

So, today's meeting should've inspired me, gotten me going... and yet, I spent a lot of it thinking about how I've probably overstayed my "welcome" at the COR. I'm just not all that useful anymore. I've exposed myself to myself as a poser. I don't really add that much value. And I wonder if it's not time to move on. Ah... time to move on... so easy to say the words... damn near impossible to take the steps to make it happen.

Anyway, I took my computer to IT today to get them to clean it out really well (it's still overheating like a ***you-know-what***. Tonight, it's still hot and NOW, I'm battling extra spaces all over the place. Let me show you what an uncorrected paragraph looks like at this point:

I took my com puter to IT today to ge tthem to clean it out really w ell (it's still overheating like a ***you-know-what***. Toni gh t, it's s till hot a nd NOW, I'm battling extra spaces all over th e place. Let me show yo u what an uncorrected paragraph l ooks like a t this point.

Nice, huh?

Anyway, it' s infuriating; and I'm exhausted. Just wanted to say hello to those of you I didn't check in with earlier on the phone or via IM.

Mondays suck. The End.

LSD?!

On Average, You Would Sell Out For

$271,862

Seems pretty darn low to me, given that I just said I would lace everyone's drinks with LSD at Thanksgiving for $10 million. Guess that doesn't count for much in the big scheme of things.

At What Price Would You Sell Out?

Good Lord, Just Be Quiet

Ugh. I always forget how sucky it is to go back to running when you've taken several days off. I kept thinking that I wouldn't take as much time off; but it just happens, and you do. And then you go back to it; and it sucks like it sucked when I first started this annoying "good for me" habit. The depleted lung capacity, the ouchie hip (girls are not really made to run), the blecht stomach, etc., etc. I mean, I know my diet sucks; but is that really any reason for my body to hate me? I'm TRYING to make up for the poor diet by exercising periodically. I know, Dad. You're right. It wouldn't be that hard for me to pick up a piece of fruit every once in a while... or have that salad if I'm going to have pizza for dinner. But here's a question for you, do you get the "points" for eating a salad if it's got feta cheese, a pretty heavy dressing, and other yummy tidbits? (Yeah, I've been thinking A LOT lately about going back to Holiday Greek & Italian. I'm hoping Jon will be up for it tomorrow night... well, I guess it's tonight by now!)

Well, time for bed, I guess. The only way to make the dogs shut the heck up seems to be to close the lid to the computer. So, FINE.

I Sing My Songs Confident in the Knowledge That You'll Be Here to Sing Along

Well... if you read my post from earlier, you know how my day STARTED. What you should know is that after my I'm-a-worthless-poser feelings this morning, I decided that there are two types of people at work. I (sadly) mistook the pretentious ones for "AWESOME people who realy know their stuff and could truly contribute on a big scale". Yeah... no, they're pretentious suck-ups. And the other type? True dum-dums. And not the good kind of dum-dums that you get at the doctor's office or for being an all-access member of the sad club. Real dum-dums who think "the way we've always done it" is the best way to do it; folks who conveniently "forget" to tell you that they're working on a project that's gonna make your life miserable... or they just don't KNOW what they do has ripple effects. Regardless... what I said earlier definitely still stands. We are a company of non-thinkers and non-contributers. We don't communicate and we don't work as a team.

Anyway, so, I'm BETWEEN those two as well. And I think that's a good thing. I'd rather be a faker who people think is an all-star than a pretentious suck-up OR a dum-dum. But I do like cherry dum-dums. And... you should know that I didn't let the I'm-a-loser-I-should-DO-something feeling overwhelm me. I felt it for a little while, got supremely frustrated with the stupidity of a few of my colleagues (during my first attempt to make a difference), and went back to tagging and cataloguing all the photos in my My Pictures folder. Truthfully, I do want to make a difference. I do want to do more. For two reasons: 1) my own self-worth is inexplicably tied up in my competence and 2) I really do want to do things that will please my boss. When she leaves, I'm OUT. Well... I'm checking out... even if I do let 'em keep sending me the paycheck. I do wonder when she will leave. Personally, I don't think she's been thrilled with her own job for a while now.

OBVIOUSLY, it's time for me to reconnect with the group that energizes me. It's time for our quarterly management team meeting. Luckily, it's next week in State College. Just in time to save me from my non-thinking, non-contributing, non-communicating, we suck self.

Okay, that's enough time away from the pictures. I like big projects that take forever to finish. I always have something to work on. :) ALWAYS approaching the satisfaction of a job well done. Never quite reaching it. But I WILL succeed. I WILL persevere. I WILL be happy.

Meanwhile, the view from my Accord:

Rock... hard place... ME

I sat in on a meeting this morning that kind of shook me. The topic? Our company's inability to measure return on investment (ROI). The hypothesis going in was that we don't have anyone with the expertise to really, truly know whether or not the things we are doing are working, if we're improving, if we're completely missing the mark, etc. The thought is that we SHOULD be compiling metrics to back up our actions, create any new initiatives, spend any more money. From an HR perspective, we don't know what we're doing. I mean, my boss is great... but beyond her, we struggle. She seems to have a grasp on the big-picture AND the smaller moving parts. But the rest of us just move in our tiny little circles with no regard to whether or not what we're doing means anything to anyone outside of our little world.

The meeting went in a little bit different direction. The organizer had done a good job in bringing together a good group of employees who really ARE attempting to measure ROI and customer satisfaction. Turns out, we have already contracted with a survey company to send out electronic how-are-we-doing's to our customers. The technical training organization is already doing a few really good things to make sure needs are being met. The primary problem with all that is: no one else knows about it. They also move in their own small little circles. Even our SALES TEAM doesn't know about the customer satisfaction initiatives already underway. Anyway... bottom line to all that... my company kinda sucks. We don't communicate, we're not a team, we don't measure our results, we give certain initiatives lip service and never follow through, we'd like to make money but we're not really willing to figure out a better way to do things. There are some AWESOME people at this company, people who really know their stuff and could truly contribute on a big scale; but they're protected in their little small-group silos by their small-minded managers. And I truly mean no offense to the managers... they just don't know any better. And we as a company haven't really taught them.

Anyway, I say all that to get to my real feeling this morning: I'm feeling especially like one of the small-minded ones today. Honestly, I hold myself responsible (at least, in large part) for my company's failings in communication, training & development, and measurement of ROI. It's my job to be doing more to improve those things throughout the organization, and I cannot tell you the last time I even attempted to make a difference on any of those fronts.

I have this friend. Some of you know bits & pieces about him. He's probably a pretty inappropriate friend -- an older man who thinks I'm cute and smart and capable and, well, you get the picture. He comes to me a lot, asking for my assistance on projects, attempting to include me in everything, gathering my opinions on whatever he's working on at the moment. He definitely gives me more credit than I deserve. Evidently, I'm capable of BS'ing him into continuing to think more of me than he should. Anyway... he includes me in this meeting this morning. And all these folks are talking about how they're attempting to do the right thing. And I'm sitting there thinking... what have I done lately that I really feel like adds ANY VALUE WHATSOEVER? Not only to the company and our bottom line, but in life too?! I've been sitting around now for quite a while just getting by. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I stay busy. Well, I say that; but I don't. COME ON. I'm stuck "between". I'm between an executive and a hippie. I'm neither, but I could be either. I can't be creative AND productive; but I don't really have the talent to be one over the other. And on the personal front, I'm between a go-getter and a bum... mostly landing on the side of being a bum. Go figure.

Bottom line... I wonder HOW I've been able to continue snowing these people at work (my boss, this friend, others within the organization who actually think I add value). They're really smart people and are always attempting to do the right thing. They have sharp critical thinking skills and are usually very good judges of company-related character. Obviously, they're not very good at measuring return on investment. Or they just let their personal interest in me cloud their usually-better judgement. Because, without a doubt, the Heidi ROI has to be well into the negative integers, for sure.

So, what do I do?!?! The company makes a pretty hefty investment in me. And I KNOW I have the capability of at least providing a little tiny bit of ROI. But the task of improving from a non-contributer to the all-star they think I am is incredibly daunting. I haven't the slightest idea where to start. I feel like I'm on an island... especially working from home... especially working in the HR group where I'm surrounded by non-contributing colleagues... especially with my personal level of motivation (think: NONE).

"Dear God, this parachute is a knapsack!"

Stripping Everything Down to the Bare Basics

“If you don’t go after what you want, you’ll never have it. If you don’t ask, the answer is always no. If you don’t step forward, you’re always in the same place.” - Nora Roberts

Now, if I only knew what to go after or ask for... or where to step.

I'll tell you where NOT to step... and that's anywhere in my front yard in the dark while barefoot. P.U.

It's late. I'm going back to watching the time slip-slipping away while staring at the clock on the wall. Good health and happiness to each of you. And decisiveness... you know, knowing what to go after, what to ask for, and where to step.

I Turn My Back to the Wind to Catch My Breath

My dad may just have the thickest skull around. Yes, he is very stubborn and will not give in (even though he preaches that "there are two sides to everything" spiel every chance he gets), no matter what the situation. But, luckily, he also actually literally has a very strong skull. Strong enough to withstand a trampling. Daddy, don't deal with any more crazy cows.

Meanwhile, things are slow in Statesboro. Jon's back home from Miami. He's telling me he had a blast with all y'all crazy kids. Thanks for letting him get lots of rest and work done while he was there. ;) Camille, girl... when are you coming to visit here???

We still have beautiful summertime weather here. I was noticing the wardrobes being sported at Beaver Stadium this past Saturday... jeans & sweatshirts all around. Meanwhile, I'm walking around in nothing & still sweating. Actually went running outside today (thought I'd brave the early evening sunshine & heat) and sweated like ... well, like crazy. I'm thinking a mid-afternoon trip to the pool is in order for tomorrow. Yes, on October 3rd. Those of you freezing (or going from hot to cold, for that matter)... sorrrrrrrry... you should be here instead.

A few pics from home for your Tuesday morning/afternoon/whenever enjoyment:


Cooper sleeping with his new toy safely by his nose... just in case that darn Kona makes a play for it during his snooze.


Our very pretty entrance to JoRun.


Amazingly, the house that NEVER looked finished is up for sale for a second time. Quick turn-around, huh? Oh yeah, and the complaint that made it back to our home owners' association? The for sale sign isn't nice enough. Helloo... what about the house?!


Yet another fun pic of my new tree and the sunset behind it. Hey... it's still alive so far! One week and counting.

Reasons to Watch Sunday Night Football... the Enlightening & Always Entertaining Comments Provided by John Madden

Al said something about wearing the lamination off your credit cards on Michigan Ave. John obviously didn't understand the comment; but instead of just letting it go, he comes back & USES the same phrase in his reply: "I don't know about wearing the lamination off your card, but Michigan Avenue is, like, the best avenue in the world." Or something like that. :)

We spent several minutes trying to remember the "tattle tail" song.

Names used to be things like Joe or Bob. Now, they can be anything. They're just a combination of letters.

And I SWEAR there was another one that made me roll around on the floor laughing... but I CANNOT remember it now. Anyone else watching... and want to contribute to the list?

Man, I LOVE watching Madden.